For the past few days I've been experiencing a roller coaster ride of emotions and I am having a tough time, but hey, things will get different.
I just recently learned that anxiety is worry about the future, where depression is sad thoughts of the past. When things are simple, I seem to understand, makes sense! As a result, I've been able to recognize how either is set off for me and the results are thinking too much on what I don't have (fantasy=anxiety) and listening to sad, past-filled reminder music (keeps me in the thoughts of the past). I can minimize my anxiety or depression by practicing interrupting these thoughts. Simply by doing something different.
Where I usually find myself getting stuck is how to be loving and kind to myself when life isn't going as smoothly as I'd like. One of my sponsees helped remind me with some words I told her awhile back, "Focus on three things you're grateful for." That helped, love her! So easy to give advice, though to heed my own takes effort for sure! Funny how that works.
I'm still in a bit of a funk and I think a big part of this is due to feelings of uselessness and self-pity-my danger area of selfishness. It doesn't feel good. Maybe that means I should get out of my own way and go to sleep, relax and take it easy. After all, tomorrow's a new day and maybe I will decide to get my endorphins going with some exercise or do something nice for myself.
Balance is important, though I can easily go to extremes with helping others. It's difficult at times to ask for what I need from others. Negative thoughts creep in and I start thinking people would not care enough, 'Why even bother?' It may end up being true, but I'm being patient with myself and learning that anything can happen at any moment. God does have a plan, I believe, andd trusting that is important in living my life.
Ultimately, I still struggle. Especially when I lack motivation. Honestly, many times, the closest people in my life don't know how to handle me when I'm sad. Many of my friends-even family-are baffled when I'm down, some stay at a distance and that is okay. I am more and more aware that God is closest in my struggles and in my happiness, always beside me and even carrying me.
Today, I'm grateful for God, love, a clear conscience and for a sober nights sleep. My down times still come, just not as frequently as they used to while drinking...they still happen though and that's okay.
Balance!!!
ReplyDeleteI've said it a million times! Balance, balance, balance.
Something I've learned in my sober career, we have to learn how to balance life, to find that balance of living that allows us to be sober and happy. A balance of recovery activities with our sponsors and fellows. Balance of work, of hobbies, of family, of quiet times, of everyday responsibilities, of God, physical activities, and the list goes on. We just need to figure that balance out that works for us as individuals and tweek it as our lives as they change daily and evolve long term. If one of those critical points in our lives become out of balance, it will snowball into other aspects of our lives becoming out of balance and we know where that will lead, a potentially scary situation of throwing our sobriety away which that could lead to the loss of so much including life. If not that bad, we WILL be throwing away our happiness and enjoyment of the life we are living now.
We will all have down times, we may be in them now, we are human after all but if we have a decent balance of the different aspects of our lives, we will be able to identify the root causes of these down times, address them by making these tweeks to our new way of living and recover relatively quickly and get out of those destructive ruts rather than staying stuck in them and continue to cause more damage.