If You Want It, Honesty Is Key.

A good garden may have some weeds. --Thomas Fuller

Newcomer: "I've done a few things I'm not proud of, but isn't that part of being human? Other people aren't perfect either."

Sponsor: "Looking honestly and unflinchingly at our behavior, while at the same time having compassion for ourselves, is a powerful combination."

Steps 4 through 9 offer us a simple process for clearing up the wreckage of the past so that we can live without the burden of regret. In recovery, we have the opportunity to change for the better, not to demand perfection of ourselves or others.

My perfectionism sometimes makes me forget that I'm engaged in a process of change over time. It also lets me exaggerate both how "good" and "bad" I am. If I'm not "the greatest" in some situation, I decide, in my arrogance, that I must be the "the worst." What a strange way of giving myself importance!

One of the program sayings reminds me not to compare my insides with other people's outsides. I have my own unique gifts; accepting and nurturing these gifts brings me joy and allows me to contribute to the human community. We're capable of feeling love and compassion for others who are far from perfect. In recovery, we can learn to extend that love and compassion to ourselves.

For today, I will delete "perfect" from my vocabulary and practice using the word "better".

Today I shared the Hazelden message from If You Want What We Have. Working the steps is an intricate part of my recovery and how I live without so much pain, how I can take a thorough, honest look at my behaviors, how I can grow without excuses, how I move forward with a new attitude and perspective.

Thank you to all my friends at The Blue Box meeting in Oak Harbor, WA for saying over and over, even when I thought I knew so much-"It works if you work it, and you're worth it!"