Today's
thought from Hazelden is:
I was 35 years old the first time I spoke up to my
mother and refused to buy into her games and manipulation. . .I didn't have to
start an argument. But I could say what I wanted and needed to say to take care
of myself. I learned I could love and honor myself, and still care about my
mother - the way I wanted to - the way she wanted me
to.
--Anonymous
Who knows
better how to push our buttons than family members? Who, besides family members,
do we give such power? No matter how long we or our family members have been
recovering, relationships with family members can be provocative. One telephone
conversation can put us in an emotional and psychological tailspin that lasts
for hours or days.
The process of detaching in love from family members
can take years. So can the process of learning how to react in a more effective
way. We cannot control what they do or try to do, but we can gain some sense of
control over how we choose to react.
Stop trying to make them act or
treat us any differently. Unhook from their system by refusing to try to change
or influence them. Their patterns, particularly their patterns with us, are
their issues. How we react, or allow these patterns to influence us, is
our issue. How we take care of ourselves is our issue.
We can take care
of ourselves with family members without feeling guilty. We can learn to be
assertive with family members without being aggressive. We can set the
boundaries we need and want to set with family members without being disloyal to
the family.
We can learn to love our family without forfeiting love and
respect for ourselves.
Today, help me start practicing self-care with
family members. Help me know that I do not have to allow their issues to control
my life, my day, or my feelings. Help me know its okay to have
all my feelings about family members, without guilt or shame.
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