Why can’t an addict’s mind be simple? Balanced? Not extreme with baffling tendencies to self-destruct? Why can’t my addict mind stop developing a problem where there isn’t one?
Oh, wait, it can. Yes, it can. There is progress, not perfection, in being honest and staying open and willing. Now I’m remembering all the tools I’ve been given throughout my time in recovery (to talk it out with someone who’s in a better place, just for that moment, than me; go to a meeting; shut up and listen because maybe I will learn something; pray; do something loving and kind for myself where the outcome doesn’t hurt or harm another; etc). Should I utilize them, or just go self-will run riot and end up F.I.N.E. with amends to make?
Like learning another language, all of these thoughts were so foreign to me until I sobered up, trusted in others to help me stay sobered up, talked to God, asking His will be done, sifted through my past, made my amends to those I could, made a lot of mistakes to find out what I wanted, then FINALLY I started to care about myself. To not take myself so damn seriously, though, to know my worth.
These thoughts –ANTS (automatic negative thoughts)- disappear when I decide to focus on being loving and kind in any given moment. I push my ego and pride aside many times a day. I have to. When I get ‘puffed up’, I screw up.
Laughing is so important. I encourage you to laugh as loud as you can…even at yourself. When my mind goes into a whirlwind of creation and I make things up, then call it truth…only to find out I still lie to myself, I get a little serious by checking my own inventory and then I ultimately laugh at myself. My friends and family laugh at me, too-that helps! Laughter and love, so healing they both are!
I've heard that dancing helps too! :)
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