I am deciding to refocus. The past does not define me and no longer has to keep me tangled. Though it's not easy to untangle sometimes, like pulling out a necklace that's been in my jewelry box for years, there is much to look forward to if I do the work. I also need to trust myself in the process, that I can do the work.
Today is all new. Anything, anyone, can be or atleast feel whole again. It's all in choice, action and attitude. I'm looking forward to not expecting a thing and just basking in gratitude for every new thing.
With every breakdown, there is a breakthrough!
I think I've done pretty good with moving on, knowing that I f'd up a lot of stuff but I have done what I could to make it right, at least as right as is possible for ME to do (ie. amends). I recognize that my past does not define me, my current and future thoughts and actions define the character that I am today and will continue to be.
ReplyDeleteSomething I've been struggling with is people, ok one person in particular, my ex. She's stuck in my past. She thinks that I still use, will be using for pretty much for ever, that I continue to lie, and cheat and manipulate, etc....
Not much I can do about it but it bugs me to some extent. Probably more frustration than anything. All I know, to live is to not drink and if I'm not drinking, then I'm living right because I will not lose focus on my core morals and values.
I guess, just an example of if you walk 20 miles into the woods, it'll take you 20 miles to get out. I lived wrong for a long time but I have been living right now though too. Problem with this scenario is that she is my ex which she's basically an outsider looking in. Just frustrating with all of the false speculations... This wouldn't bother me if it weren't for the fact that we have children together and still have to deal with each other on a regular basis. Probably doesn't help that she's recently found out about the relationship that I'm currently in and how well it's going. ;) I think she definitely has some mixed feelings on that too.
I am VERY proud of who I've become!
You should write a sober guy blog for sure, and everyone believes what they want to believe. Maybe it's her tool for coping knowing you did not choose to go back after you got sober? Alcoholism, its the only disease that kills people who don't even have it-showing up as Codependency.
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