I remember two years ago listening to a man with over 20 years of sobriety say something that unnerved me: "I used to lie to myself and others, and then I got sober. Then I realized I would say I never lied, but even that was a lie! I still catch myself lying to myself...and to others."
This man was open and honest, and I could relate to what he had said. How could I have not been aware of this character defect for so long?
For me, today, the tools are awareness and action. I have found that the very moment I become uncomfortable-in the very essence of the word- there is something to be aware of inside of me (many times I have been lame and blamed others for my feelings, but that wasn't honest because I'm responsible for my own feelings). There are action steps I need to make. All I have to do is challenge myself to continue to be open and honest with myself first, then with others.
I am aware that I can stand in my own truth by practicing awareness and asking myself, "Why do you feel this way? What fantasy life are you trying to create by lying? Are you being fully self-expressed, or hiding something? How can this information help you grow up?".
Most times I don't like the answers I find, however, I feel stronger by facing the truth through being open and honest. It's progress, not perfection. Perfection, for me, is simply just more fantasy.
No comments:
Post a Comment