One of my favorite past times for many years now has been camping, and fall is a great time to camp!
The stories others share around a campfire, sounds of the wind, animals
roaming through the trees, loons calling out and the smell of campfire
smoke in my clothing...a nice break from the high heels, make-up and
hustle bustle of the city. I didn't always value this past time. It's
different now. I'm a bit of a campaholic! Something changed inside me. Attitude perhaps?
At a younger age, when I lived in
Montana, my parents would occasionally take me out camping and hunting
with them. I still remember how annoyed I would get that I couldn't stay
home to party, stay up all night talking to older high school boys,
going on nightly cruises on 'the drag' in downtown Missoula or just
plain find something to do so I wouldn't be stuck with myself. Always to
escape. Though, I do have vivid memories of enjoying the sunrise over
the Bitterroot Mountains while feeding our horses, and the way my mom's
beef stew tasted out of a bread bowl. I think these are now my favorite.
In
my twenties, living in New York City...moving there, not knowing a
soul, scared as hell but determined. I had visions of grandiosity
thinking I was going to conquer that city! Going to school, babysitter
by night...drinking every chance I got, curious about people, yet
starving for attention. Sometimes I had to get away, even in the latest
hours of the night. So I'd hop on the subway, ride it down to Battery
Park, step onto the Staten Island Ferry and enjoy the peace and quiet of
the harbor. I can still remember the smell of the salty, humid air, the
creaking sounds of the ferry and the dazzling city lights in the
distance. It was on that ferry that I made the decision to go to live
there in that bustling city.
It was also in that city that I started searching and found out I was not the
center of the universe, there was a God and I was not Him. This was a
rude awakening. The awakening that other people, just like me, had
hopes, dreams, loves, desires...and maybe some were actually really
happy, whether or not I thought so did not really matter much. I didn't
know it all. I awakened to this while waiting for a 'walk' signal on the
corner of 23rd Street and 6th Avenue. Everyone was so busy getting to
where they needed to go. Everything got quiet and I was frightened,
humbled. I immediately went home to my basement floor, Astoria, Queens
apartment and went to sleep!
Three years later, when
the tsunami hit Thailand, my heart felt broken. I left my Van Nuys, CA
apartment and headed for the Pacific Palisades. When I arrived at the
beach at sunrise, I prayed for all the families that had been affected.
This was an improvement from the earlier years of not understanding how
much devastation was around me in other people's lives in NYC after
9/11. Here, on the beach at 23, I wasn't as self-absorbed. It was so
quiet that morning. The gentle waves crashing was about all I could hear
until the dolphins came so close to the shore. It was so majestic! I
had never seen dolphins in nature! I found out they arrive about the
same time there every morning and afternoon. This was my new favorite
place for peace and quiet.
It was on Whidbey Island in Washington State that I gave up the booze and it was in the quiet of a
foggy morning. I asked God for help. And today, in Minnesota, I treasure the bird songs in the morning, the colorful beauty of fall colors, the sound of
truth and laughter and even the smell of flowers.
I don't live a
perfect life, though I am grateful and carry an attitude of gratitude as
frequently as possible. The shift in attitude helps me value my
beautiful, sober life...especially when I'm in the peace and quiet, with a s'more of course!
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