The Idea That Something Is Wrong Here

The idea that 'Something is Wrong Here', for me, does not create a good outcome. It used to aid in the desire to drink. Not anymore.

Years ago, I took a seminar on being extraordinary. When I registered for the seminar, I had the grandiose idea that I would leave the last motivational class an extraordinary person bound for greatness and on a path to make millions of dollars! Money was my motivation. Well, I left changed and humbled.

The seminar brought to my attention that, if I wanted a fulfilling life, I must abolish the idea I constantly had in my head that 'Something is Wrong Here'. I was never even aware of this as a thought process for myself! Now, being aware, it was a choice to change this stinkin' thinkin'! After 3 years of being sober, I finally understood what stinkin' thinkin' meant, for me-finally!

Even after 7 years of sobriety, it is a daily reprieve and it takes work and effort on my part to turn my thoughts around. I know that if I stay in a mind frame of 'Something is Wrong Here' for too long, it's actually dangerous to my spiritual fitness and enjoyment of life. Today I know that if I engage in gossip about others, if I'm complaining constantly, angry, vengeful, worried, lying, fearful or resentful, I'm simply stuck in the idea that 'Something is Wrong Here'.

The solutions I use to get out of that mindframe is to value what I currently have (gratitude), prayer, being honest with myself (very important), being of service to someone else, calling on a family member, friend or one of my sponsors, getting to a meeting, writing, restoring a room to a beautiful state (heh em-cleaning!), taking my own inventory (do I actually need to amend something?) or choosing to use any of my God-given talents toward creating something new.

Bill W's words of "We must be careful to not drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection..." makes so much sense.

Drinking, for me, is not an option. It is a choice, though, and I choose to stay sober and have a sane mind...that way I won't mess up-as much. Progress, not perfection, right? :)