I just noticed that most of my views were registered on the blog of 'When I love Myself, My Fears Melt Away'...and I'm speaking for Al-Anon tonight in a Minneapolis suburb clubhouse, so what better time to post this one!
Growing up I felt like a victim, acted like a victim and somehow attracted bullies! I didn't get it. I had no idea how to stand up for myself. I frequently heard names thrown at me like, "La La Land", "Little Miss Piggy", "Pizza Face". I even let a high school teacher into my head with this one, "Don't even try and apply to Julliard, you probably won't get in." Though, don't get me wrong, I wasn't fully discouraged. I had drive somewhere inside of me. Especially when I wasn't drinking...more on that later!
So, not really until one day did I have a glimpse of enlightenment with standing up for who I was. Here I am, living in Los Angeles and fulfilling my dream of being a literary agent. I'm twenty-six years old, married, sober and semi-content with my little-to-no sleep dream job (pay is also very low when you start at the bottom). Then due to the Writer's Strike (2007), I'm laid off. I had a once in a lifetime kind of opportunity, and...it didn't work? No agency in town would hire me in the current market with such little experience. I was lost. I decided to go ahead and attend my motivational seminar to get my hope-tank filled up and be around some positivity.
That evening, in the transformational seminar I heard the words, "You're not a victim. You're chosing to be one. Stand up for yourself. Decide who you want to be and then be it. Let everyone know." I thought to myself, "I can do that? Nah, people will just laugh. What do they care anyway?" Then I listened to my own thoughts and BOOM! There was a paradigm shift.
I decided to create a new me, who I wanted to be from now on. The coach asked us all to write up an affirmation of the new person we wanted to be. Hmmm...okay. Decided to sleep on it.
The next morning after that transformational seminar, I drove through Malibu Canyon in my red '99 Mustang Convertible, top down with some light acoustic music in the background. *If you've never taken this windy, scenic, ah-inspiring drive through the mountains I highly recommend it!* Then I started saying aloud, "I'm a healthy, youthful, extraordinary woman..." over and over again. After that I added, "who had a P.H.d in creating results!" That was it! I decided who I was going to be, always in all-ways.
Let me tell you, for me, it has worked. People might say now that I'm a crazy mantra woman, to them I say (((WHAT-EVER))). Lol! Like my mother says, "Hey, if they're talking about you, they're leaving someone else alone."
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