Insecurities and Boundaries...oh, the Joys of Life

Doubt. Fear. Concerns. Uncertainty. Not assured. Lacking confidence. Exposed to risk, loss or danger.

I love the woman I am. My kindness, empathy for others, drive and determination, intelligence, beauty and confidence. However, at any given minute, I can become insecure if any of the above creep in. It absolutely doesn't feel good, though as far as I know, there is no way to prevent it...only ways to deal with it as it arises and having an open mind and confidence while dealing with it.

Because I spent so many years of my life lost in the land of two-faced chaos, my mind is quick to go into an imaginary world of fears like, 'What are they thinking? Why did they say that? They're just pretending like they care. Nobody could possibly be so sweet without an agenda! What's their motive? They talk a good talk.' For me, being able to distinguish between what I imagine and what is the reality of what's happening is a massive step in my own recovery.

I can relax, take it easy, have fun in any given moment and not struggle. Write down my fears if I feel it will help. I can create and implement boundaries that help me to feel more loved and secure by others- that's pretty freakin' awesome! For 29 years I don't even think I knew what a boundary was!

Boundaries are created in my life as a replacement for expectations, which used to fail me time and time again. With setting a boundary with someone, I can tell them, "Hey, this feels uncomfortable when you do/say this."

Now I have two choices:
1. To set yet another boundary of "Please don't do this again...-or-...Could you please do this?"
or
2. To let the other person go about their day after I've expressed how something makes me feel and they have heard me.

I like to ride with the second one because the first can be seen and felt as 'control', even if that is not my intention. At least with letting another person live their life how they wish I know who cares about what or how I feel about something, and who does not. Then it's my choice as to how I handle that information.

We all have the right to create and implement what we feel are healthy boundaries for ourselves. Expectations are based on my own beliefs, having them has mostly lead to me to anger, sadness and frustrating disappointments in my life. The other person may not have even known what I expected. So silly.