"Please God, give me inspired thought and action. Please show me what you would have me do today."
This is my daily prayer, and it doesn't come naturally. It takes effort and habit to get out of my selfish state of being and ask God what He would have me do, or how He'd have me act or react, in the day He gave me. I know the answer is not going to be, "Well, Amber, this day is all about you! Focus solely on your wants and desires without a care in the world about what others think or feel." Ultimately, if that were the case, I wouldn't be a good friend, daughter, niece or girlfriend because I'd probably talk about myself all the time, not ask about others and how their lives are, sleep a lot, try to control people, places or things, not answer my phone and isolate with my own company...maybe even drink. I know this does not work because it's what I used to do.
When I humble myself and say this prayer, I usually go about my day doing the next right thing. On the other hand, when I neglect to say this prayer, I notice my thinking to be over analytical, easily drifting into worry, my words become bitter and cutting towards others and myself, and the choices I make become sometimes overwhelmingly baffling even to me.
With this knowledge, for me, amongst other experiences that I've had, I know that there is a God working in my life. The love I feel from Him is omniscient! When I invite Him in and ask for guidance, before speaking, responding, or even writing, life flows with ease and good people, kindness, creativity, solutions and lovely things pour in at covert mach speed.
It's quite amazing to know I can only see the colorful threads individually, some of them weaving together to form designs that make sense once I've moved on to the next thread-yet He can see the whole tapestry!
In my past, I had faith and knew in my heart that there was a loving God, and I was so busy acting defiant. Even in recovery there have been several times where I knew the choices I made were not in alignment with God's, and I was disciplined with painful consequences. The biggest is looking at my image in the mirror and not liking the eyes looking back.
Feeling lost, baffled, remembering my pour choices, not okay with who I am...this is the most disturbing feeling. Though, through great teachers, I found a solution that works when I utilize its power-prayer first, then action. My daily connection with God is a must. As God created me in His image and is a loving God who loves me, who gave me purpose in this world with a gift of sobriety to boot, who am I to loathe myself and run on my own esteem if I know it hasn't turned out well in the past?
Today, I have no interest in walking through the day lost without guidance. I am responsible for asking for His hand and reaching mine out to help others, as other people and God have done for me so lovingly.
It sure beats the alternative! :)
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