When I was younger I remember watching The Wizard of Oz over and over again, especially with my grandmother. I miss her all of the time. I feel like there were so many life lessons she gave me, ingrained in me. I had a dream of her eating an ice cream cone (certain it was D.Q., our favorite!) the morning after she passed. It was very real and I knew that she was telling me she was okay and happy. I will never forget the way she smiled at me inside that dream. She had years of recovery though I, not knowing how to deal with the pain of her loss, went head first into my addiction.
I'll never forget the summer my grandpa and grandma took me up to where my family was from- Grand Rapids, MN. This is also the city where the actress Judy Garland was from. I recall I was about seven and absolutely fascinated with the ruby red slippers behind the glass case in the museum we visited. So was my grandmother. This is a moment I will forever treasure.
Which brings me to some wisdom I have learned from that movie about responsibility and happiness:
Dorothy: Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda, the Good Witch: You don’t need to be helped any longer. You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.
Dorothy: I have?
Scarecrow: Then why didn’t you tell her before?
Glinda, the Good Witch: Because she wouldn’t have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.... You have always had the power my dear!
Dorothy: If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire…I will never look any further than my own backyard...I never lost it to begin with.
Glinda, the Good Witch: That's all it is!
Scarecrow: But that's so easy! I should have thought of it for you.
Tin Man: I should have felt it in my heart.
Glinda, the Good Witch: No. She had to find it out for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds.
This reminds me of when I was working with my sponsor Glenda (always thought of her as Glinda, the Good Witch-and told her so) many months into my own recovery. How misty morning after misty morning on Whidbey Island, I would complain about everyone else and get enraged that I was being mistreated. I thought my sponsor had agreed with me for years into recovery that I was a victim. Then BAM! I woke up. I don't remember how, but I did.
I called her right away and said, "Glenda, all these years I've complained about this situation or that person and thought I was a victim, but I wasn't!"...she simply responded, "I know honey."...I said something to the effect of, "Well then why didn't you tell me?!"...she said she knew I'd get it in my own time and that I was looking for validation so she validated and just loved me. I'm so stubborn I would have probably broken our relationship if she had tried to tell me about how I wasn't a victim. It's quite possible that she knew that as well.
Moral of the story is this: My magical, ruby red slippers are already on my own feet. God gave them to me...spiritually. I honestly believe He placed His spirit inside of me when I came to believe. I have to find strength within myself daily to accept, love and trust myself...all while carrying the message. I am responsible for my life and happiness inside of it.
I am responsible to make it better and nobody else can do this for me. My identity is in God and He has given me the spiritual slippers and steps for a reason...as life tools to live by as I trudge the road of happy destiny.
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